Give me a break. She goes on, "I believe in "win-win" situations. I believe in orgies. I believe in love hangovers. I believe non-monogamy can work." I'm beginning to believe that I'm at an Amway convention. But no, turns out it's a place she calls "Shar-topia." Like Bugs Bunny once famously said, "I knew I shouldn't have took that left at Albuquerque."

This is just feeling a little too motivational for me. Quickly, I skip ahead to Chapter Two: The Queen and Her Domain." If you're a natural femme, chances are your space is already screaming YOU" she writes. If I allow my eyes to slide away from the page, my "domain" looks like a diorama that's been lost behind the refrigerator for the past 17 years. Gulp. Quickly I turn my eyes back to the page. She might be perky, but then again she might have a point.

Soon I'm lost in a vortex of velvet, candles, thrift store art and mosquito netting. Mosquito netting? But I'm intrigued. She's telling me how to buy cheap paint. How to match glassware. She's cute as Martha, and she's actually coming ON to me. When I turn the page she offers me a drink-a Shartini-and I blushingly accept. Well, of course I make it.

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